We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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