Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
