I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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