Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
