You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
