Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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