i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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