Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
