She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
