I love black thongs
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
