i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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