I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
