Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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