he wants to bone in the snuggie
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
