Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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