Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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