I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
