And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
