my mouth tastes like poor choices
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
