Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
