At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize