my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
