I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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