Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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