So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
