I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
A bitchslap is in order.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
