Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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