So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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