Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
