I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
