ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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