I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
