I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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