A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
