There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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