i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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