i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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