I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
