the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
