Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
