I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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