Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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