Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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