all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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