I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Who died my cat blue again?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
