I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
