Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
