i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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