I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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