Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
