The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
