Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize