Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
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You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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