The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
why do cheetos always look like penises
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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