Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
