I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
