hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
