Small penises have feelings too.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
