WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
