Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
