Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
