i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
