So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
