Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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