Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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